Not so good

Yeah, so I said I was handling this new unemployment a lot better than the last couple of times... But as it turns out I'm not handling it so well.

I have been going through all these stupid ideas in my head like: maybe I'll go overseas next week; maybe I'll just do some freelance web design; maybe I'll just be a tutor for a semester; maybe I should give that old dancing/modelling/acting thing another go; I should get a tattoo and a nose piercing; a new scooter will make everything better; what about a new laptop? Aaargh!

What I should be doing is just applying for more jobs. Let's be honest though, I'm scared of it all happening again. I'm scared of picking myself up and getting on track again, thinking everything is hunky-dory, and then having the carpet pulled from under my feet again. I feel a little paralysed at times thinking about it.

Still I have the logic in my mind that says this is no big deal and I will pick myself up again. But the emotional response, mixed in with some classical conditioning (every time you have a great job, it will disappear and you won't have it any more), is what's taking the lead right now.